As you reflect on this topic, a feeling of peace in your home may seem out of reach for your family. I would encourage you to first, keep in mind that perfection is not possible and will only result in frustration for everyone involved. Instead, focus on making small changes, developing consistency, and celebrating signs of improvement.

Here are a few steps you can take that will contribute to an overall feeling of peace in your home. A shift in perspective, increased connection, self-care, or greater understanding may be all you need to get things moving in the right direction.

1. Check-in with Yourself First

Before you can promote peace in your home, it’s important that you check-in with yourself first. If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it’s going to be difficult—if not impossible—to maintain a sense of peace within your home. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally so you can show up for your family in the best way possible. This means getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and spending time doing things that bring you joy outside of parenting.

2. Communicate with Your Co-Parent

When it comes to keeping the peace between you and your co-parent, communication is key. If you’re feeling stressed about the upcoming holidays, talk to your co-parent about it. See if there are any areas where you can lighten each other’s load or come up with a plan that will work for both of you. The more you communicate, the easier it will be to find a solution that works for everyone.

3. Find Ways to Relax and De-Stress

There are plenty of ways to relax and de-stress, so find what works best for you and make time for it—especially during the holiday season. This could mean taking a yoga class, going for a walk outdoors, reading a book, taking a bath, listening to calm music, or anything else that helps you relax and recharge.

4. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in the little things and lose sight of what’s really important. If something doesn’t go according to plan, don’t sweat it. The most important thing is that you’re all spending time together and making memories.

5. Be Present with Your Family

One of the best ways to keep the peace in your home is to be present with your family when you’re together. This means putting away your phone, being fully engaged in conversations, and enjoying quality time together without any distractions.

6. Give Each Other Space When Needed

There will be times when you need some space from your family, and that’s okay. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break and go into another room for a little while. This will help you reset and come back feeling more patient and ready to engage. You can even check in with your partner from time to time to make sure they’re not feeling overwhelmed. If they need a break, let them take a step back while you take care of things at home. A partnership is just that—a partnership.

7. Practice Gratitude

Finally, one of the simplest—but most effective—ways to keep the peace in your home is to practice gratitude. Each day, take a few minutes to think about things you’re grateful for in your life. This could be your family, your home, your health, or anything else that brings you joy. Focusing on the good will help you feel more positive and optimistic, which can go a long way in maintaining a peaceful feeling in your home.

Parenting is hard enough as it is, so don’t put extra pressure on yourself to make everything perfect this holiday season. Just make small, daily changes and work to be consistent in your intentions. By following these tips, you’ll be well on your way to keeping the peace in your home and enjoying a happy holiday season with your family.

The post Seven Steps to Greater Peace in Your Home appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

Waiting at the bottom of the escalators in the Salt Lake International Airport for my nephew’s delayed airplane to arrive, I began to take in the scene. More than 150 people stood there with me, visibly excited, holding balloons, welcome home posters, and cameras. Grandmas and Grandpas were offered seats to rest. Children were running around with excitement. Babies were being passed from one hip to another. And there was a lot of hugging going on. Lots.

It had been two years since we had last seen my 20-year-old nephew. He had been gone serving a church mission, and our extended family turned out in force to welcome him home. We weren’t the only ones either. The mass included several families, in separate clusters around the baggage claim area, all welcoming their own missionary home. Ropes attempted to contain the excited crowd and preserve a walkway for the other travelers.

Soon a new wave of rumpled passengers took their turn to step onto the moving staircase. Few smiled; most looked hurried or exhausted. But they perked up with curiosity at seeing so many expectant faces, flowers, and balloons.

Then a young woman started her descent alone. I noted that she only had a small backpack and held a pillow tightly to her chest. She scanned the crowd. Then her face broke into a timid smile when she found what she was looking for.

I followed her gaze to a small group of five people at the edge of the crowd, holding high a poster that read, “Welcome home Abby! 21 Days Sober!”

Tears came to my eyes. I was so proud of her. She must have sent the message that a public celebration of her sobriety would be okay with her.

I was so proud of them. Because I work in the treatment field, I was 100% sure that things must have gotten pretty rough at home before she went into rehab. Yet this wise group didn’t find a way to bring her home quietly and under the radar. They showed up in celebration and love, making a big deal out of the three weeks’ separation and the changes she had made.

I wanted to push through the crowd to congratulate Abby and her “home team,” but my nephew was now descending the elevator.

Read more inspiring stories like this in the newest edition of the Not by Chance Yearbook, available now at notbychance.com.

The post Reunited and it Feels So Good appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

Dr. Thayne interviewed productivity and time management expert, Dawnie Williams, who shares tips on how to live an overall better, more productive life. Get a jump start on the new school year ahead and start implementing these new insights and ideas today.

To understand the importance of productivity and time management, we must first understand where it came from. Individuals and groups throughout history have always strived for productivity, but it really started picking up when the manufacturing era started. Business owners wanted to find ways to cut down on time and production costs, which resulted in an increase in time management and productivity.

Although not everyone runs a business, families and individuals can benefit from implementing productivity and time management strategies in their daily lives. In this post, we’ll share the tips and strategies Dawnie and her family use for staying on top of household tasks, work, and family life. She believes that because time is limited, we want to do the best we can with the time we have.

Weekly Planning & Organization

When it comes to productivity, the best way to find success in your daily life is to start bigger by planning your weeks. Dawnie suggests sitting down with the family once a week to fill in the calendar to ensure that everyone is on the same page and no one misses important events during the week. It can be helpful to schedule work, family time, and downtime into the calendar as well.

She also mentions that you can stay busy all day without actually being productive. This is why it’s important for each member of the family to have a task list, categorize it, and prioritize it. Then when doing the tasks, make sure whatever you are doing gets 100% of your attention.

Daily Planning & Organization

Starting the week off right with organization and productivity sets you up for success when it comes to daily tasks and to-do lists. Dawnie’s personal rule while reading emails or prioritizing tasks is that if she can get the action item done in two minutes or less, she will take care of it immediately. If not, it goes onto the task list and is prioritized based on urgency and importance.

Once she makes it through her emails, Dawnie will move onto her task list that is prioritized by urgent, high, medium, and low. Urgent and high priority tasks are completed that day, while medium and low priority tasks are saved for later in the week. This method can be helpful at work as well as in the home – no matter what you need to get done, prioritizing your tasks can keep you from feeling overwhelmed and increase productivity.

Here are a few other tips Dawnie mentions for the entire family to stay organized and productive throughout the day:

• Go to bed early

• Wake up early

• Exercise

• Meal prep

• Write lists (this can be done on your phone, in a notebook, on Monday.com – whatever works best for you)

• Be present in whatever you are doing

Keeping Your Kids Productive & Organized

If you don’t have any of these things implemented into your daily and weekly routines yet, it’s going to take some time. Try not to get too frustrated with yourself or with your kids! The path to growth and change isn’t always linear, and some weeks will be better than others. Just know that by putting in the effort, you are setting an example for your kids and giving them a clearer path to success in adulthood.

Your kids will look to you as an example, so with this in mind, start making those small daily changes and the big changes will follow. Your kids will see how much more productive you are and they’ll want to implement the changes in their own lives. It will take some time and maybe some persuasion, but it will be so worth it in the end.

Dawnie also emphasizes how important it is to realize your kids are different from you. They’re still learning about themselves, their sleep schedules are different, and they can be more productive at different times. Productivity varies from person to person and there isn’t a formula that works for everyone. However, having a template your kids can go off of will be helpful as they are finding what works best for them.

Conclusion

If you haven’t previously focused on organization and productivity in your home, it can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. But don’t give up! As you start to implement productivity into your life, your kids will follow suit and it will benefit them throughout their entire lives.

If you would like to hear Dawnie and Tim’s in-depth conversation on this topic, listen to the Not By Chance podcast episode on the Apple Podcast app, Spotify, Amazon Music, here, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

The post How to Implement Productivity & Organization in Your Home appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

I interviewed Allison Posell on the Not by Chance Podcast to discuss what parental stamina is, how to build it, and what to do when it runs out. Here are four key takeaways from our conversation that you can implement into your life to increase your parental stamina and avoid burnout.

What is Parental Stamina?

Allison has been practicing mental health counseling for the past 18 years, and prior to being a therapist, she was a nurse in the Air Force—so she definitely has been in many situations that require stamina and involve burnout. She says, “When I think stamina, I think strength….We do difficult tasks all the time. It takes stamina to do them over time in a way that you have something left over for when you need energy again.”

Allison adds: “Where we get into trouble with our stamina is when we continue to function on auto-pilot until we are burned out. We practice reactive parenting instead of proactive parenting.”

Allison explained this in a story about one of her daughters who had a difficult time coping when she didn’t get her way. As a way to express her frustration, her daughter would flush things down the toilet, which would ultimately clog and cause the water to drip down the walls and onto the furniture, carpet, and computer. Because it had been going on for so long, they would recognize the sound of the water and move the couch and computer out of the way rather than face the problem. This is a prime example of living in a reactive state of mind to survive.

To avoid getting to the point of burnout, it’s important to know how to increase parental stamina and recognize when you need to recharge mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Here are four things Allison suggests to maintain awareness of your energy levels and change course if necessary.

Know the Difference Between Survival and Sustainability

When parenting gets rough, it’s easy to fall into survival mode. Are you on auto-pilot? Take a step back and ask yourself if you are practicing reactive or proactive parenting. When you’re just trying to survive, you might also withdraw from activities and people that fill you up—which ultimately will lead to faster burnout. It’s important to fill your cup so you can sustain yourself and your relationship with your co-parent.

Celebrate the Small Victories

When everyone in the family is nearing the end of their rope, one of the best things you can do is realize how far you’ve come and celebrate the small victories in your daily life.

Allison says, “Stamina is such a vital part of watching what’s happening with the family and being that voice to encourage people not to be angry….And when we celebrate the progress they make, we’re actually giving them courage, which is encouragement.” When you lift each other up, stamina increases and everyone is stronger for it.”

Visualization Can be Helpful During Stressful Times

One of the best ways to stay grounded is to take time for yourself. It’s easy to focus on everyone else—especially when your kids are being difficult or giving you a hard time. However, self-care really is one of the best things you can do as a parent not only for yourself but for your children. There are many different ways you can practice self-care, and it will look different for everyone.

Allison suggests practicing visualization to avoid burnout and increase parental stamina. If you can spare five minutes, go to a quiet place in your house and close your eyes. Visualize yourself in your happy place—whether it’s the beach, the mountains, with loved ones, etc. When you let yourself visualize your happy places, it can help you keep going strong.

Stick to Your Margins

If you’ve ever worked with Microsoft Word or Google Docs, you know that documents have set margins. If you want to fit a lot of words onto one page, you can mess with those margins and widen them to pack in more information. Allison says our life has margins as well and when we try to pack too much inside, we can stretch ourselves beyond our limits in an unhealthy way.

Instead of taking on more than you can handle, set your margins and abide by them. This will help you keep up your stamina and make you a better parent overall. Again, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and sticking to your boundaries or margins will help keep your cup full.

There are some days when you feel like you could take on the world, while others may feel daunting and discouraging. It’s important to recognize when you are nearing burnout so you can take care of yourself and keep being the wonderful parent you are.

For more information about this topic, listen to “Parental Stamina: What It Is and How to Build It” on the Not by Chance Podcast with Dr. Thayne and Allison Posell.

The post How to Increase Parental Stamina When You Feel Burned Out appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

But what about those times when feedback isn’t helpful? In the aftermath of an unfortunate situation, the last thing your teen wants to hear is what they should have done differently. They most likely know what they should have done differently, but that advice would have been very helpful before the unfortunate situation occurred in the first place. At Not By Chance, we like to call this feedforward. It’s similar to feedback, but it’s almost always more beneficial because it can help someone avoid doing something they regret. In a nutshell, feedforward can keep someone from making a preventable mistake.

Knowing the difference between feedback and feedforward can help your teenager find more success and joy in their journey by minimizing the pain they feel along the way. Some pain is of course necessary and inevitable for growth, but giving them feedforward can help set them up for a great life ahead.

The Blind Man Metaphor

If there is a blind man approaching a set of stairs, it is unhelpful to tell him to watch out for the staircase after he has fallen down. He now knows the staircase is there and he’s facing the consequences of his actions—whether it’s a few bruises or even a broken bone. Feedforward would have been given as someone saw the blind man at the top of the stairs, stopped him, and let him know there was a staircase ahead. They might also have led him to the handrail so he could make it down safely. This would have saved him from injury.

It sounds like a simple principle, but when you are working with teens, it’s hard to know how your feedforward will be received. There are a few things that factor into their reaction that you should consider. First, if you’re not careful, feedforward can come off as judgmental, controlling, or lecturing. Your teen might not be in the right headspace to receive what you have to say. If this is a roadblock you experience, try assessing your delivery and see how it can be improved. If you come from a place of sincere love and concern, your kids will be more likely to accept what you have to say.

Another Real Example of Feedforward

Another example that might help as a parent to navigate the feedforward process is an experience I had. I injured my neck as a result of chipping ice off the driveway with a pickaxe one winter. I had to cut my family vacation short and spent Christmas alone because I was in such severe pain. I spent the next few months recovering, and it was a long, painful road.

A few years later I was using the same pickaxe in my yard, and my son (knowing what happened last time), offered to take over for me because he was concerned about my neck injury. My son knew what could happen if I continued working with the pickaxe, so he stepped in to help. This could have saved me from another few months of painful recovery.

In Conclusion

Sometimes your teens will receive your feedforward well, but sometimes they won’t. The best thing you can do is lead with love. Don’t deliver it in a judgmental or degrading way—let your child know you love them and want the best for them, which is why you are offering your advice.

It’s important to remember that even if they don’t listen to what you have to say, they will still learn a valuable lesson out of the experience and you can have peace of mind knowing you have done everything you can to set them up for success.

To learn more about this topic listen to the Not by Chance Podcast Episode: “Give Feedforward Not Feedback” on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

The post Help Your Teen Minimize Setbacks by Giving Feedforward appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

One of our transition coaches, Sonya Rodriquez Ph.D., has implemented minimalism into her life and has seen a drastic change in her family and home for the better. Dr. Thayne sat down with Sonya and discussed the benefits of this lifestyle and possible strategies for jump-starting and maintaining this change.

Materialism requires more and more while minimalism reinforces the message that less is more. Sonya describes minimalism as clearing clutter in every way—email inboxes, kitchen cabinets, closets, clothes, home decor—she points out that clutter requires maintenance, so it’s better to reduce that clutter to make more time for what really matters. If you’re spending all of your time managing the clutter in your life, you don’t have time left for your valued relationships.

Years ago, Sonya saw photos from a photographer who asked individuals from different cultures to bring all of their possessions out into the front yard. He photographed the items then published them. Sonya’s eyes were opened to how little other cultures lived with, and she realized that the American photos had exponentially more items than any other photos. With four kids, many toys, and an abundance of things, Sonya decided to simplify her family’s life by adopting a minimalist lifestyle.

One out of 10 American households have a storage unit, while one in four Americans with a two-car garage can’t even park one car inside because of the clutter. If you are in this situation and want to change, Sonya offers five tips that can help you or your teen simplify life and cut back on clutter.

1. When You Bring Something In, Take Something Out

The first rule of minimalism is to evaluate what you are buying and bringing into your home. A good rule of thumb is: when you bring something in, get rid of something else. You can donate it to someone in need or to your local Goodwill store so you know it will be appreciated. This is a great way to keep your clutter to a minimum and give to those in need.

2. Try Wearing 33 Items in 3 Months

At the beginning of Sonya’s minimalism journey, she took a long trip with her husband where she only wore 33 items in the entire three months (excluding workout clothes and pajamas). This helped her realize how little she truly needed and jump-started her journey to simplifying her life. If you’re looking for a good place to start, try doing something like this. You will be surprised by how much you can do with a few great pieces of clothing.

3. Get Out of the “Just in Case” Mindset

We all fall into the scarcity mindset from time to time—it’s inevitable, especially during times of uncertainty and difficulty. However, it’s important to get out of that mindset and not to keep things “just in case.” If you haven’t used something in the past year, you most likely won’t need it in the near future. Sonya recommends the 20/20 rule to help you decide when to let things go: if you can get it for $20 or travel 20 miles or less to get it, it’s best to donate that item or get rid of it.

4. Gift Experiences Rather Than Items

Over the past decade or so, people (especially younger generations) have started to see the value of experiences rather than things. If you want to give someone a thoughtful gift, Sonya suggests “gifting” them an experience. You could give flight vouchers, Airbnb gift cards, a National Parks pass, or even tickets to see the latest movie. There are endless possibilities that come with gifting experiences, and people will most likely remember and appreciate it more than another material item.

5. Use Others’ Things

Borrowing or renting items from others is a great way to build community, help people out, and experience everything you want without having to clutter your home with more material items. Sonya did this by renting an RV to go on a camping trip with her family—they were able to rent the RV, have a great trip, use the items inside the RV, and give it back when they were done. This helped the hosting family out by providing some extra money for the rental, and Sonya’s family got to experience the camping trip without purchasing an RV and everything inside. You can also return the favor by letting others borrow things only you have. It helps you, helps them, and creates more connections in your community.

If you would like to learn more from Sonya Rodriguez and Tim Thayne about how a minimalist lifestyle can help your family, check out this episode

of the Not By Chance podcast.

The post Gift Experiences, Not Things. Plus Four Other Ways to Keep Life Simple But Meaningful appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

Grease keeps a machine running, just like trust keeps a relationship running. When a relationship has mutual trust, communication is easier; everything is easier and amazing things can happen. Without trust, a relationship is like a wheel without grease—it doesn’t work. Trust plays a fundamental role in every relationship.

Although trust is easy to break and difficult to get back once it’s broken, with time and effort it is possible to become realigned and create a relationship that is stronger than ever.

Here are a few practical tools and ideas for you to rebuild trust with your teen.

Consider Initiating the Trust

A lot of times, teens are in a position where they’re not confident enough or don’t have a strong desire to build trust. In this case, you as a parent will have to be the one to initiate it. Begin by evaluating your own shortcomings and start to repair the trust from your end. Identify your own choices and recognize that you might not be quite where you need to be for your teen to really trust you. Then, make a list with your co-parent about what is possibly tearing apart your relationship with your teen. Once you’ve done this, be straightforward and sincere in your proposal to rebuild the trust with your child.

Help Your Teen Understand Why Trust is Important

It’s powerful to let your teen know that the lack of trust between you has brought your relationship to a halt, just like a wheel would without grease. If you don’t do what you need to do to repair it, the components of the relationship are in serious danger of permanent damage. Find a good time to have this conversation and let them know of your sincere desire to strengthen your relationship. When they can see that you’re working to do your part and there is mutual understanding, it’ll be easier for them to open themselves up and build mutual trust again.

Don’t Force It

Trust is mutual—if one side isn’t ready to fully trust again, you can’t force it on them and make it happen right away. When you have the conversation, let your teen know that you don’t expect an answer right away and give them time to think about things. Their side of the story is just as valid as yours, so take the time to hear them out and understand where they’re coming from.

These initial steps are crucial when it comes to rebuilding trust with your teen, and following through with your commitment to change will be an important element as well. Think about the meaningful relationships in your life and think about what you can do to improve them—trust is a powerful thing, so go ahead and harness it.

If you would like to hear more about this topic, you can listen to the Not by Chance Podcast episode “Trust in a Relationship is Like Great in a Wheel” with Dr. Tim Thayne on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

The post Trust: The Fundamental Ingredient in Every Relationship appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

The soil is a living organism and I know from growing up on a farm that those who interact with it, care for it, produce food from it, and make something beautiful, increase their wellbeing.

I sat down with Karl Ebeling, also known as Farmer Karl, who founded Grow Life and has worked to help empower individuals through gardening. Grow Life gives foster children the opportunity to care for plants and a garden. Throughout Karl’s involvement with Grow Life, he has found that the children who participate in gardening, experience positive results such as increased confidence, gratitude, responsibility, and compassion.

As you involve your kids in gardening and yard work the benefits will far outweigh the difficulties. Here are five therapeutic benefits of gardening we discussed:

1. It Can Reduce Anxious Thoughts and Feelings

Gardening is a great way to relax your mind and help reduce stress and anxiety. According to Healthline, “Studies have found gardening and horticultural therapy can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve attention, interrupt harmful ruminations…lower cortisol [stress hormone], [and] increase overall life satisfaction.”

Caring for a garden provides a sense of responsibility, an opportunity to work with your hands, and something to look forward to every day that will provide something great down the road. It is also a grounding experience that connects you with the earth—which is a classic technique for calming anxiety. When combined with therapy or other doctor-recommended necessary treatments, gardening can be a game-changer for people who suffer from anxiety or depression.

2. It Promotes Connection to the Earth

Connecting with the earth is crucial for anyone, and gardening is one of the best ways to get that connection. When you’re gardening, you’re often on your hands and knees touching the dirt and plants. You connect with the earth on a literal level, and it can be a very healing and grounding experience.

3. It Fosters Connection and Healthy Relationships

Gardening in a group setting is even better than gardening alone. If you have a family, spouse, or group of friends, getting together to plant and care for a garden will strengthen your relationships and foster meaningful connections.

Karl recalls bringing his son to help a family member get their yard ready for a wedding reception. Because of his software development career, Karl’s son worked on a computer every day and struggled with anxious feelings. There were many family members at the house helping with the yard work, and at the end of the day, he expressed that he felt uplifted.

Karl also shared a story about growing up in Pennsylvania, where he and a group of friends grew and sold produce. He says, “I will never forget the feeling that I had. We had comradery. We were a team. And I really believe we’re lacking that in our society today.”

4. It Instills a Love of Nature

We live on a beautiful planet, but sometimes we fail to appreciate or recognize it. With all of the distractions we face, we can go days without taking a moment to watch a beautiful sunset or take a deep breath of fresh air.

When you are outside working in the garden and planting new life, you gain a new appreciation for the earth and what it provides. Staying connected to nature is also one of the best ways to stay grounded, which can help with various problems or difficulties.

5. It Helps People Slow Down and Reduce Screen Time

Life is fast-paced. Kids and teenagers have demanding schedules between dance, sports, AP classes, homework, lessons, and other extracurricular activities, and parents are responsible for getting everyone where they need to go. We go in ten different directions at all times, and it can be overwhelming. And when we do have a few seconds of free time, most of our attention is directed to our phones—whether it’s social media, answering emails, or watching funny videos.

When you are working in the garden, everyday distractions take a back seat—giving you the chance to slow down. Take a break from the real and online world. It is good for the soul, and connecting with the earth is always a good idea.

Whether you have a big backyard or a tiny apartment, you can still benefit from a garden. You can find community gardens, hang planters in your house, put some small pots on your back porch, or build planter boxes in your yard. The opportunities really are endless, and even when you start small, you will see benefits.

If you want to learn more, listen to the episode “The Therapeutic Effects of Gardening” on the Not by Chance Podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

The post Five Surprising Benefits of Gardening appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

I recently interviewed Dr. Ryan Anderson on my podcast, Not By Chance, to discuss social media, how it affects teens, and how parents can help their teens use it effectively and responsibly.

Dr. Anderson earned a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, a PhD in medical and family therapy, and completed his internship at the Duke Comprehensive Cancer Center. He has also worked as a wilderness therapist, taught college courses to first-year med students, and is involved in community outreach. Aside from these accomplishments, Dr. Anderson worked in video game design and software development. His interest in the digital world combined with his professional career in the mental health field led him to study their correlation.

In this blog post, we will share insights about teens, social media’s effect on them, setting social media expectations, and how to help your teens develop a healthy relationship with social media.

There are many pros and cons of social media when it comes to teenagers, and while it can be a scary thing to deal with, there are genuine benefits if parents are diligent in teaching their children how to use it.

Social Media: Pros & Cons

When you think of social media, you might think of the negativity that comes with it. While there are plenty of cons, there are also plenty of pros that people tend to overlook. Here are some of the positive and negative sides of social media, according to Dr. Anderson:

Pros of Social Media:

Cons of Social Media:

• It can create tension within relationships (following/not following).

• Give/take isn’t symmetrical—some people consume while some don’t, which leads to inauthentic relationships.

• Social media can make you think you know someone intimately when in reality, you only understand that person based on their social media highlight reel.

• It can be dangerous mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

• Teens can lose their sense of worth and identity when they become too invested in social media.

• Parents and Social Media: What You Need to Know

As a parent you want to protect your child, but there are many real dangers on social media, and it can be tempting to ban it altogether. It’s also hard to keep up with all of the updates, new apps, and trends. Your teen tells you TikTok is just for singing and dancing—but is that the only way people use it? Some parents will monitor their teens’ social media activity, while others shy away from it in the name of privacy.

Dr. Anderson and I agree that teaching your teenagers how to use social media correctly will help them better manage it in their everyday lives, especially when they reach adulthood. It is part of life, and when you set boundaries from the beginning and stick to them, you set your teens up for success. Teaching healthy social media habits includes having productive conversations when you start seeing negative effects or patterns.

Here are a few discussion topics Dr. Anderson suggests to guide your conversations about social media:

You are the product: Social media algorithms know you very well. They know your interests, scrolling habits, and even moods, and they’ll do everything to keep you on the app. Being aware of this can help teens know what is happening and understand why limiting screen time is vital to their mental health.

Catfishing: Catfishing occurs when someone pretends to be another person on social media. They could pose as teens to connect with your children when they could be predators or scammers. Have these discussions with your kids and make sure they only connect with people they know personally. And if something feels off, it probably is. Catfish can also pose as people your children know in real life.

You are the target: Not all scammers and predators are catfish, but they are good at what they do. Scammers target the elderly because they are vulnerable, and they target teens for the opposite reason—they think they’re invincible and could never fall for a scam. Helping your teens recognize when something feels wrong can give them the knowledge they need to stay safe.

Social media is permanent: Help your teens understand that once their content has been posted or sent, it belongs to the social media platform. There is no getting it back, and even if it disappears or gets deleted, it lives on in a database that could be hacked, leaked, or even sold. The same goes for Snapchat, even though the photos “disappear.”

Keeping Teens Safe on Social Media

Social media does have a lot of pros, even though there are some scary and concerning aspects. Working with your kids and teaching them how to use social media positively will let them experience the benefits and set them up for success when they reach adulthood.

Dr. Anderson uses the analogy of teaching a teenager how to drive. You wouldn’t just hand them the keys and say “don’t crash,” so why would you download Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok to their phone and say “don’t use this the wrong way”? Just like your teen needs guidance, lessons, and practice driving a car, they need the same when they’re learning to use social media.

When you help your teen understand the dangers of social media and how to overcome them, they’ll understand how to have a positive experience overall.

Developing a Healthy Relationship with Social Media

Fostering and developing healthy social media habits takes time, practice, trial, error, and self-awareness. Here are a few suggestions about how to start building that healthy relationship so you can help your teens do the same:

• Turn social media notifications off—it can wait.

• Don’t be on every platform—the more you let in, the more you have to process.

• Have a time and place for social media—it shouldn’t be available 24/7.

• Take breaks—when you start to feel a shift in your mental health, it’s time to unplug.

• Be careful and know the potential risks.

• Research every app thoroughly before downloading it.

Social media has its pros and cons, but when you teach your teenagers how to navigate it correctly and how to create healthy habits, you can set them up for success in the future.

If you would like to hear more about this topic, listen to the Not by Chance podcast episode “Screen Savvy with Dr. Ryan Anderson” on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

The post What Every Parent Should Know About Social Media appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.

I sat down and discussed family meal time with Christine Van Wagenen who has studied its importance for years. Christine agrees that preparing meals and aligning schedules can quickly become overwhelming. While it might be tempting to fall into the habit of everyone eating when their schedules permit, she says that sitting down and eating a meal together as a family will be far more beneficial in the long run.

Here are four reasons why meal time matters, and three ways you can make it work for your family.

Why Meal Time Matters

The Ministry of Hospitality

Of course, there are more ways to serve than by simply cooking a meal, but Christine says it’s one of the best ways to provide hospitality and show that you care about the individuals you’re serving. Your attitude toward cooking will affect how often your family gathers together and how you serve one another.

Whether it’s for your family or a neighbor in need, cooking dinner for someone promotes love, service, and connection. This can also set an example for your children as they grow up and have opportunities to provide service to the people around them.

Connection

When families sit around the table together without distractions, it creates a safe space for everyone to be themselves. For example, maybe one of your kids is having a difficult time in school and they haven’t had the opportunity or desire to talk about it. This time together can help them feel comfortable to open up, and everyone can contribute love, support, and help, making the family bond stronger than before.

Having a set time to be together every day helps family members move past superficial relationships with one another. Christine emphasized that we need to be careful what tone we set for this time together. She said “Meal time is not a time that you are going to discipline, it is not a time to motivate someone to do something, [Family members] want to eat, they want to feel comfort and pleasure. Save those [other] things for a separate time.” She recommends setting aside meal time as a place for lighthearted conversations and laughs as well as deep discussions and sharing hardships.

The Research Backs it Up

Christine has studied the importance of family dinner for years and she has found that there is research to back it up. According to a study conducted by Columbia University, “Teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades in school and much less likely to have substance abuse problems.”

More specifically, the study found that these teenagers were “42% less likely to drink alcohol, 59% less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66% less likely to try marijuana. … The survey also found that frequent family dinners were associated with better school performance, with teens 40% more likely to get As and Bs.” These significant statistics show that family dinners can have an impact inside and outside of the home.

There’s a Domino Effect

There’s always a learning curve when you start something new, but making positive changes often comes with a positive domino effect. It all starts with good food. Christine recommends finding something that everyone likes to eat. You’ll probably have a hard time getting everyone together at first, and you might even get some complaints. However, if you start with good food, the rest will follow.

Christine’s Tips for Making Meal Time Work

Get the Kids Involved

If you can get your kids on board with the idea of family dinner, making the habit will be so much easier. Let them help choose meals, prep meals, or even set the table. If you have teenagers, teach them how to cook so they can develop that life skill and carry it with them into adulthood. When the kids contribute and feel included, they’ll be more likely to get excited about it.

Set a Schedule

Aligning busy schedules can seem impossible, but the benefits of eating together will outweigh the difficulties. Set a schedule and let everyone know what time you’ll be eating so they can be there. Whether you post it on the fridge or send it in the group text, planning and sticking to the schedule will help you make those family dinners happen.

Find What Works For You

If the pressure of having family dinner seems like too much, you can modify and do what works best for you and your family. “Family dinner” doesn’t even have to be dinner—it can be breakfast or lunch too. As long as you’re sitting down all together to have a meal without distractions, you’ll get the same benefits.

If you’re just starting and feeling overwhelmed, plan one or two days per week at first. As it becomes more natural and you start building the habit, add one or two more days. You want to build a habit that lasts, so easing into it might be the best way to go for your family.

No matter how you incorporate family dinners into your weekly routine, everyone in your family will reap the amazing benefits. To hear more about our discussion about family dinner, listen to this

episode of the Not By Chance podcast found on Apple Podcast or Spotify.

The post The Power of Family Dinner + Three Ways to Make it Happen appeared first on Dr. Tim Thayne.